Dark Message

Have you ever been feeling so lost, that you like as if you don't belong to anyone, anywhere, in this world? You feel you don't fit into any circle around you. You feel banished from your own family. You don't feel suitable with any of your friends. People that you love that you were hoping can help you recover are helpless and not capable to make you any better?

If it's a yes, you're not alone.

Have you ever feel like you're no longer be a part of this world, that life shouldn't continue for you? You start wishing to sleep and never get up again. Start hoping to vanish, just fuse into non-existence. You start whispering to yourself, that 'I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere '?

My dear, you're not alone

Have you ever felt so tired, that you fed-up with all of the non-sense you face? Like everybody is so bullshit. You hate people, you hate humans, therefore you hate yourself. Nothing makes you feel better, even you feel that your body betray you because you can't even cry. And yeah, you just conclude that your time is up. You can't be happy anymore? 

I do feel that way too. And that's what I'm feeling now.

Just because I know that there will be nobody who read this, so I've started writing. Because I've been feeling sick, of everything. Nothing can evoke my positive emotion. Just a feeling of guilt, and exhaust, and hate. 

What's wandering around, only statements like "Why do I need to eat? Eat so we can live, whereas I don't wanna continue living". or "Why do I need to struggle, manage my time and work? This is useless anyway. No matter how much I try it never seemed right".

If just I didn't believe in God, maybe I'd have been running away from where I am now. Living a life I want, that far from people, far from disgusting stuff like demands and expectation. If I didn't believe in God maybe I would have ended my life. Because who wants to feel like this every day anyway?

They said it will end. 

"They" said.

Whereas no "they" here. I don't feel like there's somebody encourage me to think like so anymore. 

So I have to manage this alone.

If I want to, right? What if I don't want to?

Because I don't think it will be beneficial for me. To continue this life, just to find myself being so pathetic. 

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Now I know why there are so many people who kill themselves, even without their family, their friends, know the reason. Because ya maybe, because they precisely the problem source! And coincidentally these people don't believe in God, so why bother putting your life to an end?

Especially when you don't have anybody you can trust anymore. You don't have an anchor to the world anymore. So what would make you stay?

Nothing

Yes, I know that feeling. You are not alone. 

For you who wants to end your life. I just want to say, I understand your feeling. It must be hard to continue living. I also can't do anything just wish the best for you.

Just want to say, you are not alone.